Impractical Joker
by DoctorH
Summary: A five-act teleplay, just like watching a Murdoch episode on TV. In this mystery, a hoaxer goes missing, and is later found dead. Was he kidnapped and murdered, or was it all a prank gone wrong? Solution included. Posted on April Fools Day, 2016.
1. ACT 1

"IMPRACTICAL JOKER"

ACT I

(FADE IN. STATION HOUSE NO. 4. CUT TO: INTERIOR OF STATION HOUSE. The Constables' area is rumbling with activity: papers being carried to and fro, officers using the telephone, and so on. MURDOCH enters as if he were arriving from somewhere. MURDOCH sees the activity and wonders what is going on, while removing his coat and hat. CUT TO: MURDOCH'S OFFICE. MURDOCH enters his office and puts his coat and hat in their proper places. MURDOCH is about to inquire as to the cause of the activity, when CRABTREE enters.)

CRABTREE  
Sir: Glad you're here.

(MURDOCH gestures "What is all this about?" but before he can speak, CRABTREE explains.)

CRABTREE  
A man and his wife just came into the station house about fifteen minutes ago. They reported there has been a kidnapping of one Lincoln Dunn. We have already obtained a description of the kidnapped person, along with a photograph. A bulletin has been issued asking all officers to be on the lookout. Inspector Brackenreid has asked me to have you talk to the couple who reported the crime.

MURDOCH  
Their child was kidnapped?

CRABTREE (momentarily taken aback)  
No, sir. An adult. Age: 57. The father of one of the people who reported the kidnapping; the father-in-law of the other.

(MURDOCH is a bit surprised by the age of the victim. MURDOCH exits his office, CRABTREE following.)

MURDOCH  
Very well, George. Where are the husband and wife?

CRABTREE  
In the Interview Room.

MURDOCH  
Get a notebook and join me there straightaway.

(CRABTREE nods. CUT TO: INTERROGATION ROOM, where RON and LIZ Dunn are seated, holding hands. They are calm and are not crying. MURDOCH enters the INTERROGATION ROOM, CRABTREE follows quickly, notebook in hand.)

MURDOCH  
I'm detective William Murdoch.

RON (standing, offering his hand)  
My name is Ronald Dunn—

(MURDOCH and RON shake hands.)

RON  
— And this is my wife, Liz, uh, Elizabeth.

MURDOCH (nods to her)  
Mrs. Dunn. (gesturing to RON's chair) Please.

(RON sits, as does MURDOCH. CRABTREE quietly gets ready to take notes.)

MURDOCH  
I've been told there's been a kidnapping. I also understand you have given us a description of the person who was kidnapped.

(CRABTREE quietly places a photograph of the missing man onto the table near MURDOCH.)

RON  
Yes, it was my father, Lincoln Dunn.

MURDOCH  
Age 57?

RON and LIZ  
Yes.

(MURDOCH picks up the picture from the table, and looks at it, then shows it to RON and LIZ.)

MURDOCH  
This is Lincoln Dunn, the picture accurately shows how he appears today?

RON  
Yes.

MURDOCH  
Is he— able-bodied?

RON  
He had an accident a few years ago, and hasn't been able to work since then. He can walk on his own, even run; but he can't climb steep stairways or lift heavy things. If you're wondering whether he could have fought off a determined kidnapper, I'd doubt it.

(MURDOCH nods in understanding.)

MURDOCH  
And you believe he was kidnapped, that he's not merely missing?

(In answer, RON reaches into a pocket and pulls out some envelopes. The envelopes have been opened. RON hands one envelope to MURDOCH. MURDOCH cringes a little when he sees that there will be no chance to recover finger marks.)

RON  
We received this note exactly one week ago. Monday. The handwriting is my father's.

(MURDOCH listens, simultaneously pulling a note from the opened envelope, and opening the note. The note is written in longhand. MURDOCH reads it aloud.)

MURDOCH (reading)  
"Dear Ron and Liz, I have been kidnapped. I will be released unharmed if you pay five thousand dollars, following directions to be given to you later. Do not call the police. You are being watched. Love, Dad."

(MURDOCH examines the note and the envelope. The note is written on stationery having a border design. The envelope is unremarkable except that it is the same colour as the stationery. MURDOCH sets the envelope down, but holds the note.)

RON  
That note was wedged under our front door last Monday. Dad didn't come home the night before.

MURDOCH  
Come home from where?

RON  
Tony's Pub. A tavern about a block from our home. He doesn't drink alcohol, though. He usually meets some of his army friends there on Sunday nights, and usually comes home late.

MURDOCH  
These "army friends," their names are—?

RON  
Fox, uh, (trying to remember) Milligan and, uh, Chandler.

LIZ  
We've never met any of them.

(As CRABTREE scribbles the names in his notebook, MURDOCH places the ransom note on the desk, atop the envelope from which it came. RON hands MURDOCH a second envelope, from which MURDOCH extracts a second ransom note, also written in longhand on the same kind of stationery.)

RON  
The next morning, Tuesday, we had this note under our front door.

MURDOCH (reading)  
"Dear Ron and Liz, I am being treated well. Why aren't you arranging to get the money? You ought to be doing that. Do not talk to the police. You are being watched. Love, Dad." Again, you recognize your father's handwriting?

RON  
Yes, it's his writing. On Wednesday, there was nothing. No note under our door. But on Thursday, this came.

(As MURDOCH places the second note on the desk, RON hands MURDOCH a third envelope, from which MURDOCH extracts a third note, also written in longhand on the same kind of stationery.)

MURDOCH (reading)  
"Dear Ron and Liz, wrap the five thousand dollars in newspaper. Behind Olsen's Market is a black metal cylinder with a cover. At noon today, put the wrapped money into the cylinder and replace the cover, and walk away. Do not look back. Do not talk to the police. You are being watched. Love, Dad."

LIZ  
We did as the note said. We paid.

MURDOCH  
And you did not get the police involved.

RON  
The note said we were being watched, and I think we were.

MURDOCH  
Why?

RON  
On Monday, we didn't make any effort to get any money for ransom, but the note we got the next morning told us we ought to do that. It was as if the kidnappers knew we hadn't done anything to get the ransom. And then, it took us two days to get the ransom money. The note telling us what to do with the money did not arrive until we actually had the money. Somehow, they knew we now had the money.

LIZ  
They were watching us.

MURDOCH  
But you paid the ransom?

RON and LIZ  
Yes!

RON  
Exactly as was asked!

MURDOCH  
And your father has not been released?

RON  
That's right. We thought there might be another note, telling us where we might find him, but there hasn't been one.

MURDOCH  
Presumably, you did not want to involve the police earlier for fear of your father's safety—

RON  
That's right.

MURDOCH  
So why are you coming to the police now? If your father should have been released Thursday, or Friday at the latest, why did you wait until Monday— today— to report the crime to us?

LIZ  
We—

(RON and LIZ look at each other, guiltily.)

RON  
We weren't convinced that my father had actually been kidnapped. We thought it was just a joke. You know, a prank, a "Ha-ha, got you!"

MURDOCH (stunned)  
Kidnapping? A joke?

(MURDOCH and CRABTREE do not know what to make of this. FADE OUT.)


	2. ACT 2

ACT II

(FADE IN. STATION HOUSE NO. 4. CUT TO: INTERROGATION ROOM. RON and LIZ Dunn remain seated. MURDOCH questions them while and CRABTREE takes notes.)

MURDOCH  
Mr. Dunn, let me be clear: kidnapping is a serious crime; it is not a joking matter.

RON  
We know that! But you asked us why we didn't come to the police right away, and that is why. We didn't think there was an actual, um, crime.

MURDOCH  
So what made you think that these notes (indicating) were part of a prank of some kind, to make you think your father had been kidnapped?

RON (a little ashamed)  
Dad, my father, um, likes to create hoaxes. Some of them are elaborate hoaxes. It's sport to him.

LIZ  
We thought this was just another one of his hoaxes. All the letters are in his handwriting. And who concludes ransom notes with "Love, Dad"? I mean, really?

MURDOCH (skeptical)  
But you say you paid the ransom. If you believed this was all a hoax, why did you pay the ransom?

RON  
Liz didn't want to pay. But we talked about it, and I thought we should pay. I mean, either it was a joke, or it wasn't. If it WASN'T a joke—

MURDOCH  
That is, if it was an AUTHENTIC kidnapping—

RON  
— then we ought to pay to get my Dad back. And if it WAS a joke, well— (not sure how to say it) I thought we ought to pay, on the assumption that Dad was going to give the money back to us, after he'd had his little joke. He'd been saying how he wanted to buy a new overcoat. I half expected he'd use the money to buy a new coat, and then return the rest of the money to us. That would be the kind of prank he'd pull.

MURDOCH (incredulous)  
He'd demand five thousand dollars, to buy an overcoat?

RON  
Dad knew that we had saved up money for a better house. We'd saved about five thousand dollars. This was another reason we thought that this kidnapping might be a prank. How would real kidnappers know that we'd saved up almost exactly that amount of cash?

MURDOCH (slowly)  
I see. And you have come to believe NOW that this is NOT a prank, not a hoax.

RON and LIZ  
Yes. Right.

MURDOCH  
What changed your mind?

RON  
We both thought that Dad would come back home in a day or two. We decided that, if he wasn't home by Monday morning, we'd go to the police. He didn't come home. So here we are.

(MURDOCH takes a few moments.)

MURDOCH  
All right. Let's start with some basic questions. Who may have wanted money from you? Did anyone threaten your father before today?

(The postures of RON and LIZ show they want to cooperate. CUT TO: BRACKENREID'S OFFICE. BRACKENREID is in his chair, staring at the ceiling, holding the ransom notes in his hands. MURDOCH is standing.)

BRACKENREID  
They thought he actually might fake his own kidnapping, as a joke?

(BRACKENREID looks at MURDOCH with no sense of amusement.)

BRACKENREID  
Childish stuff, that is! I'll tell you what would be a joke: if they told the kidnappers to KEEP the father, and it would cost THEM five thousand dollars to give him back!

MURDOCH (slowly)  
It seems to me that Mr. and Mrs. Dunn now genuinely believe that Lincoln Dunn has been kidnapped. But I am not so certain. Given the elder Mr. Dunn's fondness for pranks, I would almost expect the ransom notes to emphasize that THIS is NOT a prank.

BRACKENREID (in a mocking tone)  
"Dear kids, I have been kidnapped. Really, I have been. Really. I'm not joking." That's what he should have said?

MURDOCH  
Perhaps, yes. But: it is also possible that Mr. Dunn wrote only what the kidnappers TOLD him to write, and they wouldn't let him elaborate.

(BRACKENREID holds up one of the ransom notes and points to the signature on it.)

BRACKENREID (mocking)  
And they told him to sign the ransom notes, "Love, Dad"? That's got to be a first!

MURDOCH  
This crime may be a fake, or it may not. At this point in time, considering that a formal report has been made, and considering that the purported victim is missing, we have to assume that a crime has occurred, do we not?

BRACKENREID (resigned, nodding)  
We do.

(CUT TO: EXT. OLSEN'S MARKET. MURDOCH sees a sign saying "Olsen's Market" near the front. He walks around the market to the rear, and sees a black metal cylinder with a cover. The area is devoid of people. MURDOCH takes the cover from the cylinder and looks inside. There is nothing in the cylinder to speak of.)

MURDOCH  
Someone took the ransom money.

(OLSEN, a man in a shopkeeper's apron, pokes his head outside a rear door of the market. MURDOCH sees OLSEN.)

OLSEN (somewhat hostile)  
You! What are you doing?

MURDOCH (showing his badge)  
Detective William Murdoch, Toronto Constabulary. Are you Mr. Olsen, by any chance?

OLSEN (now nervous)  
Yes. (pause) Am I in trouble?

MURDOCH  
No. This black tube here (indicating), what is its function?

OLSEN  
It's a vent for an underground storage cellar. The cellar hasn't been used for years. The vent is blocked up.

MURDOCH  
Have you seen anyone looking around back here, recently—especially, last Thursday— looking at this vent?

OLSEN  
No. Well, wait a minute. There was one person. I had to chase away some man last week, who I thought might be trying to steal some tinned goods being delivered. Wasn't on Thursday, though. Our tinned goods deliveries are on Mondays. He was looking at the vent, but I thought he was more interested in theft. He ran off when I yelled at him.

MURDOCH  
Could you describe him?

OLSEN  
He was an older man, some grey hair, maybe in his sixties. Short beard. That's about all I can say.

(MURDOCH nods and purses his lips. CUT TO: INTERIOR OF TONY'S PUB. There are several empty tables. On one wall is a menu of available pub food. There is a bar, with various bar-related items. A bowl of apples sits on one end of the bar. MURDOCH walks up to a table where CRABTREE and three men are seated. CRABTREE rises, but the men do not. The men sitting at a table are aged in their late 50s or early 60s: James "Milly" MILLIGAN, Horace "Cob" CHANDLER, and Denis "Foxy" FOX. MILLIGAN has a mustache, CHANDLER and FOX each have short beards. MILLIGAN, CHANDLER, and FOX all have grey hair, but in varying amounts. CHANDLER and FOX have open soft drink bottles in front of them. Tony's Pub otherwise appears deserted, although in the background there is the sound of glasses tinkling [SFX], presumably being washed by the barman.)

CRABTREE  
Sir, this is Mr. James Milligan.

(MILLIGAN nods; he does not stand or offer his hand.)

CRABTREE  
This is Mr. Horace Chandler.

CHANDLER (nodding)  
Call me "Cob."

CRABTREE  
And this is Mr. Denis Fox.

(FOX nods.)

CRABTREE  
They were with Mr. Dunn on Sunday night.

MURDOCH  
Gentlemen.

CRABTREE  
They ask that if you have any questions for them, sir, that you get to the point. They all have to be at their jobs at the top of the hour, so they cannot stay here for long.

MURDOCH  
Very well.

FOX  
Is Linc all right? He did not show up at the Pub last night. (with a note of bitterness) Your constable wouldn't tell us anything.

MURDOCH  
We believe Mr. Dunn may have been abducted. As far as we know, he still alive, though we do not know his current whereabouts.

(MILLIGAN, CHANDLER, and FOX look at one another. MILLIGAN seems especially distressed.)

MURDOCH  
Can you confirm that Lincoln Dunn was here, in this building, a week ago yesterday?

MILLIGAN  
Yes, sir, at this very table. We just talked, had a little something to eat.

MURDOCH  
And drank?

CHANDLER (lifting his bottle)  
Nothing alcoholic. Not on Sunday nights, anyway. The barman will back us up on this. Do you want to speak to the barman, sir? He's in the back; his name's Tony, he's my nephew.

MURDOCH  
No. Mr. Dunn was here from what time to what time?

CHANDLER  
From about six to about ten o'clock, roughly.

MURDOCH  
Is that typical?

CHANDLER  
Yes. Linc's been coming here at the same time every Sunday night for at least the past year. We all have.

MURDOCH  
I see. Did anything unusual happen that night?

(MILLIGAN, CHANDLER, and FOX shake their heads.)

FOX  
Just like any other night.

MURDOCH  
What time did the four of you leave the Pub?

FOX  
Usually Milly and Cob leave at nine and Linc and I leave at nine-thirty, sometimes ten.

MILLIGAN (pointing at FOX)  
Usually, that's right, but that's not what happened last week, remember, Foxy? YOU were the first to leave, and you went home at about nine-thirty.

FOX  
Oh, yes, that's right.

MILLIGAN  
And Linc left maybe five minutes later, and the two of us (pointing to himself and CHANDLER) went home shortly after that.

MURDOCH  
Did any of you witness Mr. Dunn leaving the Pub?

MILLIGAN and CHANDLER  
I did. We did.

MURDOCH  
Did you notice anything unusual? Did you, for example, see Mr. Dunn encounter anyone as he walked out of the Pub? Did you see Mr. Dunn on the street with anyone?

(MILLIGAN, CHANDLER, and FOX shake their heads.)

MILLIGAN  
We had no reason to think anything unfortunate had happened to Linc.

FOX  
If some fellows abducted Linc, they may have been waiting for him in an alley behind the Pub.

MURDOCH  
Why do you say that?

FOX (shrugging)  
Just 'cause it looks like a good place for a kidnapper to wait.

(MILLIGAN checks his watch and stands, and CHANDLER and FOX follow suit and stand. MURDOCH and CRABTREE stand as well.)

MILLIGAN  
We've got to get going.

CHANDLER  
Yes.

MURDOCH  
Fine, but we may need to have you come to the Station House for some additional questions.

FOX (turning to go)  
Just let us know if you do.

(MILLIGAN, CHANDLER, and FOX head toward the exit, MURDOCH and CRABTREE following.)

MURDOCH  
Gentlemen, before you go: were you aware that Mr. Dunn is rather fond of elaborate pranks?

(MILLIGAN, CHANDLER, and FOX look at one another, then suddenly break out in smiles, and all laugh.)

MILLIGAN  
Oh, sure. Linc was quite the joker.

FOX  
You think this is all a prank? Linc is faking his own kidnapping as a prank?

MURDOCH  
Is that possible, do you think?

FOX (shrugging)  
Sounds like something he'd do.

CHANDLER (a bit surprised at what FOX just said)  
Really? I don't think so. The pranks tended to be of the harmless kind, weren't they? You've never done anything that's involved the police, have you? Faking a crime, a SERIOUS crime like a kidnapping—?

(FOX shrugs again. MILLIGAN, CHANDLER, and FOX head out the exit from the Pub. MILLIGAN and CHANDLER exit.)

FOX (turning to face MURDOCH as FOX exits)  
I sure hope Linc is all right.

(FOX exits. MURDOCH and CRABTREE remain standing in Tony's Pub.)

MURDOCH  
George, we need to talk to those men for a little bit longer. Have them come to the Station House at their earliest convenience.

CRABTREE  
Yes, sir.

(From the back room, TONY the barman appears. MURDOCH and CRABTREE immediately become aware of TONY's presence. TONY begins cleaning the table where everyone sat, picking up the empty bottles and wiping the table surface.)

TONY  
Officers, I heard pretty much everything that was said.

MURDOCH  
You are Tony?

TONY  
Yes. My name is Anton Frank; everybody calls me "Tony."

MURDOCH  
And you are related to the Mr. Chandler who just left?

TONY  
That "Mr. Chandler" is my uncle. He helped me get started here. Officers: what they told you about Linc's last night here, I don't disagree with any of it. But I thought I ought to tell you that I think this is all a hoax. Linc Dunn was always trying to think up ways to make people waste their time and look like fools, just for his own amusement. That anyone would kidnap him? It's just ridiculous!

MURDOCH  
Do you have any evidence to support your opinion that Mr. Dunn has faked his own kidnapping?

TONY (lowers his eyes)  
No. (looks up at MURDOCH) But I know Linc. I know what kind of person he is.

MURDOCH  
You sound as though you did not care for Mr. Dunn.

TONY (smirks)  
Linc? About the only good thing I can say is that he paid his tab on time. (mildly bitter) I didn't care much for his sense of humour.

MURDOCH (intrigued)  
Oh?

TONY  
Now, if you'll pardon me.

MURDOCH  
Just— explain something to me. You didn't like Mr. Dunn, yet you hosted him every Sunday night?

TONY  
I couldn't kick him out. Linc is friends with my uncle. My uncle likes coming here, and I— am in my uncle's debt. So I put up with Linc. And with Fox. By rights, I ought to— (shakes his head) never mind.

CRABTREE (playing a hunch)  
Were you— were you the butt of one of Mr. Dunn's jokes, sir?

TONY (hesitantly)  
A few times. You've probably heard about the hockey story?

MURDOCH  
No, I haven't.

TONY  
A few months ago, Linc and Foxy spread the word that, if Toronto beat Ottawa in a hockey match, my pub would be offering free drinks. Now, Toronto was expected to lose the match, but Toronto surprised everyone and won it; and next thing I know, there are hundreds of people barging in here demanding free drinks.

MURDOCH  
And— so you had to tell people it was all a misunderstanding.

TONY  
No, I had to serve a lot of free drinks, is what I had to do.

CRABTREE  
Why? You weren't legally obligated—

TONY  
Because they threatened to burn down my pub if I didn't, that's why! (huffing) Funny little hoax, wasn't it? Not only did I lose a lot of money, I lost some of my best customers, too! (calming down) My uncle thinks that Linc's hoaxes are funny and harmless. Well, I don't agree. Fake his own kidnapping? I wouldn't put it past Linc, not at all. I wouldn't put it past him to fake his own death! Now, if you'll excuse me.

(With that, TONY puts the bottles away and returns to his business, disappearing into the back room.)

MURDOCH  
George, the barman's remarks notwithstanding, I think we still have to approach this matter as an actual kidnapping. For one thing, apparently Mr. Dunn had an established pattern, a pattern that a kidnapper may have noted. If someone HAD planned to kidnap Mr. Dunn, and had been watching him for some time, the kidnapper would know Mr. Dunn would be here on Sunday night, until about nine-thirty to ten PM.

CRABTREE  
Yes. The kidnapper would know where Mr. Dunn would be, and could be waiting for him.

MURDOCH (indicating)  
So if it WERE an authentic kidnapping, Mr. Dunn would have left this establishment through that door. (walking to the door) Mr. Dunn would have walked to the door, exited through the door—

(MURDOCH pushes open the door, and MURDOCH and CRABTREE exit TONY'S PUB to the street. It is mid-day. TONY'S PUB is on a corner lot. To MURDOCH's left, on the corner, is a lamppost.)

MURDOCH  
— and would then have been outside. He would have then turned right (he turns) toward his home, walked one block—

(MURDOCH and CRABTREE walk down the street, past some of the windows of Tony's Pub. MURDOCH's eyes scan the surroundings. MURDOCH slows and stops, CRABTREE follows suit. They stand next to a narrow dead-end alley between the Tony's Pub and another building, which will turn out to be a warehouse.)

MURDOCH  
— and at that intersection he would turn left and cross the street and walk another half-block to the house where he lived. Somewhere along that walk, presumably, he was abducted.

CRABTREE  
That seems reasonable, sir.

MURDOCH  
And the kidnapper— or kidnappers— would be lying in wait somewhere, possibly in this alley, as Mr. Fox thought.

(MURDOCH goes into the alley and peers around the back wall of Tony's Pub, in the direction of the entrance, as a kidnapper might do.)

MURDOCH  
It would be around ten at night, and dark, and the kidnapper would have to see who was walking down the street.

CRABTREE  
There is a lamppost there (indicating the corner lamppost).

MURDOCH  
Which would be to the rear of anyone walking toward the alley. It would not illuminate the face. Anyone approaching this direction would be seen in silhouette. It would be hard to identify whether the person coming toward you is the person you want to kidnap.

CRABTREE (speculating)  
Mr. Dunn may have been recognizable from his physical build, or from his posture, or from his walk.

MURDOCH (stroking his chin)  
Possibly. (looks around) The alley is a dead end. Where would the kidnapper take the victim?

CRABTREE  
The kidnapper would probably need some sort of carriage or cart or other vehicle of some kind, to take him to a place where he could be imprisoned. It would be risky to carry or drag the abductee around in public, or to march the victim at gunpoint or tied up, even at night.

MURDOCH  
This alley seems too narrow for a vehicle.

CRABTREE  
The vehicle could be parked in the street, and the kidnapper could be hiding in the alley, or lay in wait behind the vehicle in the street.

MURDOCH (puzzled)  
A vehicle facing east, as it would be if it were parked properly in the street, would be facing an inconvenient direction; it would need to be turned around to have an effective escape route. And if the vehicle were on the other side of the street, the area would be too open; assuming Mr. Dunn did not cross the street right at this spot and approach the vehicle on his own, the kidnapper would have to come across the street to abduct him.

CRABTREE (pointing to the windows on Tony's Pub)  
In view of anyone in the Pub who might happen to be looking.

MURDOCH  
Yes. Indeed, the WHOLE AREA here is too open; in the event the victim tried to escape the kidnapper, there are many possible places the victim might flee. For example, assuming the victim had the good sense not to try to flee down this dead-end alley, the victim might run up to this window on Tony's Pub (demonstrating) and hit it with his hand to attract the attention of his friends. (sighing) If I were a kidnapper, George, I would not commit the act here.

CRABTREE  
So you think it WAS a prank, sir?

MURDOCH  
All I'm saying at this point is that Mr. Fox's hunch about the kidnapper waiting in the alley is probably wrong.

(MURDOCH walks on, CRABTREE follows. They pass the warehouse building to the east of Tony's Pub, and come to a door in the warehouse. The door has a sign on it saying that the building is available for sale or lease, and another sign saying that trespassers should keep out. Across the street are several houses.)

MURDOCH (thinking aloud, pointing)  
There is the house where Mr. Dunn lived with his son and daughter-in-law. Apart from the alley, there seems to be no place where a kidnapper might lay in wait. Except— (MURDOCH looks at the warehouse he's standing next to) — could it be that the kidnapper did not NEED a vehicle, but simply waited for Mr. Dunn to come out of Tony's Pub at his usual time on Sunday night, and when Mr. Dunn got near this doorway, the kidnapper forced him inside, possibly at gunpoint?

(MURDOCH looks into a window of the warehouse. The windows on the warehouse are all dirty. MURDOCH tries another window. The warehouse seems to be mostly empty, but there are some crates on the floor. Protruding from behind one crate is what appears to be a human foot, wearing a stocking.)

MURDOCH  
George! I think someone may be in there!

(As CRABTREE peers through the window, MURDOCH goes to the door and tries the door. It opens. MURDOCH enters the door, CRABTREE follows. CUT TO: INTERIOR of the warehouse. The building appears to be a storage building, with lots of floor space, some support pillars, and few interior walls. Many of the windows are boarded up. There are some windows that give illumination to the interior, but they are high up, such that a person on the street could not see in through those windows. The warehouse seems to be mostly empty, but there are some crates and partitions that prevent seeing the whole floor.)

MURDOCH  
Hello?

(MURDOCH approaches the crate where he thought he saw a foot, and as he approaches, it becomes clear that what MURDOCH saw was indeed a human foot. Near the foot are two neatly placed shoes.)

MURDOCH (pointing)  
George!

(MURDOCH and CRABTREE carefully approach the foot. As they get closer, they see one leg, then another leg, which they find belong to a dead man. The dead man is lying on some blankets that have been laid flat on the floor, and a pillow is under his head. Near the makeshift bed are a table and a chair, with some remnants of food on the table, along with a few books and newspapers neatly arranged. There are some partly burned and some whole candles in various places nearby. All of these "furnishings" are arranged behind crates, making them difficult to see though the windows from the street. The dead man appears to be asleep, but he does not stir. MURDOCH rubs his nose, indicating an unpleasant odour may be present; CRABTREE makes a face as well.)

MURDOCH  
We seem to have found Mr. Lincoln Dunn.

(MURDOCH touches the body to feel for a pulse. The body is cold and slightly discoloured, and MURDOCH pulls back his hand upon checking for a pulse.)

CRABTREE  
Is he dead, sir?

MURDOCH (standing and crossing himself)  
Yes. He's not faking. It would seem Mr. Dunn has been dead for some time.

(A close-up of the dead man's face shows his face matches that face in the photograph seen earlier. FADE OUT.)


	3. ACT 3

ACT III

(FADE IN. EXT. THE MORGUE. CUT TO INT. THE MORGUE. The dead man's body lies on a gurney, covered by a sheet. In the background are at least three other bodies, covered by sheets. OGDEN is making a few hasty notes while MURDOCH watches. There are indications that there is an unpleasant odour in the morgue. Fans blow air, MURDOCH sometimes holds his nose.)

OGDEN  
Positive identification of Lincoln Dunn was made by his son, Ronald, at 4:30 PM today. Time of death: probably last Thursday afternoon or evening, Friday morning at the very latest, based upon body temperature, lividity, skin discolouration and onset of decomposition. An autopsy may result in a modification of this determination.

MURDOCH  
Cause of death?

(OGDEN puts down her notes and writing tool.)

OGDEN  
Yet to be determined. I'm sorry, William, I cannot say much right now. I can only give you a quick, preliminary analysis now; then I'm going to have to put the body into cold storage, and perform a full autopsy later. I'm afraid that I have three other autopsies that are more urgent, at the request of Detective Thatcher at Station House Two.

MURDOCH (nodding)  
The family that was found dead in their home. I've heard about it. Tragic. Yes, by all means, Julia; take everything in its proper order.

(OGDEN gets herself ready to deal with the other autopsies. She is giving the Dunn case a very hasty analysis, but she wants to be as accurate as she can. While OGDEN and MURDOCH talk, assistants bring the other bodies into proper positions in the morgue.)

OGDEN  
At the present time, all I can say about Mr. Dunn is that there are no clear signs of trauma on the body. No wounds of any kind, no bruises. No indication of strangulation or drowning. Tests will tell us whether he was poisoned or suffocated.

MURDOCH  
He could have died from natural causes?

OGDEN  
That is a distinct possibility; in fact, unless we get any hard evidence to the contrary, it seems to be the most likely possibility. There is no clear indication that this man's death was a homicide.

MURDOCH  
Are there any indications that he was ever bound, tied with rope or otherwise restrained?

OGDEN  
No. Signs of restraint by handcuffs or rope might appear on, say, the wrists or the ankles, but I see no sign of that.

(OGDEN lifts a wrist of the body to show no marks. Ink stains on the body's fingertips are plainly visible, indicating that the victim's finger marks have been preserved.)

OGDEN  
You say it was believed that he had been kidnapped? Perhaps he was confined in a room, rather than held with restraints?

MURDOCH  
George is checking the building now. When I was there, I could see no rooms or any other places where Mr. Dunn could have been confined. (cautiously) Julia, I should tell you that there has been some question whether Mr. Dunn's disappearance really was a kidnapping.

OGDEN  
Oh?

MURDOCH  
There are some indications that it was an elaborate prank. There are, however, also indications that Mr. Dunn was indeed kidnapped.

OGDEN  
Well, if Mr. Dunn HAD BEEN held against his will, I see no physical evidence to that effect on his body.

MURDOCH  
Supporting the conclusion that it was a prank.

OGDEN (offhandedly)  
Yes, but if it were a prank, then it does seem a bit odd that the prankster should happen to die just before his prank is revealed.

(MURDOCH agrees the timing is odd. OGDEN directs that Dunn's body be placed in a cold room, and she motions her assistants to bring one of the other bodies to the table for autopsy. MURDOCH realizes OGDEN is busy and prepares to leave. CUT TO: INT. of the warehouse where the body was found. CRABTREE and HIGGINS are making notes. A PHOTOGRAPHER is recording the scene. CRABTREE holds some objects. MURDOCH approaches CRABTREE.)

MURDOCH  
What have you, George?

CRABTREE  
We have photographed the area and checked for finger marks. There are several finger marks, but we do not yet know to whom they belong. We found this, sir; (handing MURDOCH a box) we have photographed the finger marks that were on it.

(MURDOCH opens the box. Inside are envelopes and stationery; the stationery has the same decorative elements as the ransom notes.)

MURDOCH  
This is the kind of paper on which the ransom notes were written.

CRABTREE  
We also discovered these, sir, in a receptacle; (handing MURDOCH a paper bag) remnants of various pieces of food and beverages: apple cores, a few fish bones, empty soft drink bottles, and the like.

MURDOCH  
If there were two or more people here for four days, I would expect to see more waste than this. This seems to be the waste of just a single person. What about confinement? Did you find any evidence of ropes or other restraints, or a room into which Mr. Dunn could be locked?

CRABTREE  
No, sir. Everything we find here is consistent with Mr. Dunn being here voluntarily, by himself. He apparently created makeshift living quarters for himself in this abandoned building. There are three doors from the building but two of them were unlocked. Moreover, the door that you and I used to enter the building was incapable of BEING locked; the bracket for an exterior padlock has been removed quite some time ago. As far as I can tell, Mr. Dunn was free to come and go at any time.

MURDOCH  
That would suggest that Mr. Dunn intended this apparent kidnapping to be a hoax. And yet— George, did you find any money, about five thousand dollars or so, possibly wrapped in newspaper?

CRABTREE  
No, sir.

MURDOCH  
We are told the ransom money was left where it was supposed to be left, and I checked and found that someone had taken it. Could that someone have been Mr. Dunn? (thinking out loud) If this kidnapping IS a hoax, and Mr. Dunn executed it entirely on his own, then Mr. Dunn would have created these sparse "accommodations" for himself in this warehouse; on Sunday night, he would have hidden himself here, about half a block from his home; he would have written ransom letters to his son and daughter-in-law; he would have surreptitiously spied on them to see whether they were following his instructions; and after they did as he says, and he would collect the money.

CRABTREE  
I'm following you, sir—

MURDOCH  
And then he drops dead here. Then the ransom money— would be HERE. The money might be hidden. (MURDOCH looks around.) But nothing ELSE is hidden, not the notepaper, not the makeshift bed, not the chair, not the books—

CRABTREE  
Perhaps somebody found Mr. Dunn's body before we did, and found the money, and took it.

MURDOCH  
Maybe. But Mr. Dunn's body was found with a modest amount of cash on his person— nowhere near five thousand dollars, of course— and that money was NOT taken even though it was in a place any thief would be expected to look. (puzzled) Maybe this kidnapping WAS genuine. Mr. Dunn was held here against his will—

CRABTREE  
Unrestrained?

MURDOCH  
He may not have been under lock and key, and he may not have been restrained by ropes or handcuffs, but possibly he was under guard. A kidnapper might have had a gun pointed at him, for example, or may have threatened to kill his family if he were uncooperative. Mr. Dunn wrote the ransom notes because he was ordered by the kidnappers to write them. And after the ransom was paid, and collected, Mr. Dunn mysteriously died. (shakes his head) But that possibility does not add up, either. For one thing, such a scheme would require at least two kidnappers, one to guard Mr. Dunn, and another to keep tabs on Mr. Dunn's son and daughter-in-law. Yet here we find food waste consistent with only one person, only one makeshift bed, accommodations for only one person.

CRABTREE  
If not a hoax, and not a genuine kidnapping, there must be a third possibility. But I cannot imagine what that third possibility might be.

MURDOCH  
Neither can I. See if you can find the money in this building, George.

CRABTREE (dreading the tedious task he faces)  
Yes, sir.

(CUT TO: EXTERIOR OF STATION HOUSE NO. 4. CUT TO: INTERIOR OF MURDOCH'S OFFICE. BRACKENREID watches as MURDOCH writes on his blackboard. On the left side of the blackboard, under the word "HOAX," are the entries: "Handwritten notes"; "No confinement"; "Single person"; and "Past hoaxes." On the right side of the blackboard, under the word "KIDNAPPING," is a single entry: "Ransom collected." As BRACKENREID watches, MURDOCH draws a question mark after the word "collected," so that the entry reads, "Ransom collected?")

MURDOCH  
As you know, sir, there is some question as to whether Lincoln Dunn was actually kidnapped, or whether he faked his own kidnapping.

BRACKENREID  
Judging by what I see on the blackboard, you're leaning toward it being a hoax.

MURDOCH  
Kidnapping notes were delivered, but (pointing to "Handwritten notes") they were written by the purported victim, not by any kidnapper. We have no evidence (pointing to "No confinement") that Mr. Dunn was physically held against his will, and (pointing to "Single person") no evidence that anyone other than Mr. Dunn was involved. We also know (pointing to "Past hoaxes") that Mr. Dunn has a history of elaborate pranks.

BRACKENREID  
But didn't you tell me that some of his friends think that faking a kidnapping would be too extreme a prank for him?

MURDOCH  
I did. But there is no agreement on this point, and we cannot ignore the fact that Mr. Dunn has a reputation for some outlandish pranks and hoaxes.

BRACKENREID  
And so there is no evidence of anyone else being involved, except for Lincoln Dunn.

MURDOCH  
Yes, except (pointing to "Ransom collected?") that someone collected the ransom money before Mr. Dunn's death. I have seen the location where the ransom was to be placed, and I think it unlikely that someone could have found the ransom money by chance. Someone KNEW the money was there, and took it. If Mr. Dunn arranged his own kidnapping as a one-person hoax, then he would have likely collected the ransom money himself, and the ransom money would be near him when he died. So far, we have not found the ransom money.

(There is a knock on the door. HIGGINS opens the door and pokes in his head. HIGGINS carries some file folders. MURDOCH and BRACKENREID turn to face HIGGINS.)

MURDOCH  
Yes, Henry; what have you?

HIGGINS (waving the folders)  
Finger mark analysis, sir. Of the finger marks found near the deceased's body, on the crates and chair and stationery and so forth.

MURDOCH  
And?

HIGGINS (entering the office, handing the folder to MURDOCH)  
Most of the finger marks appear to belong to the deceased, Mr. Lincoln Dunn. As you expected, sir. There are some partial finger marks that I cannot identify. But sir, there are some clear finger marks, mostly on the crates, that are most certainly NOT from Mr. Lincoln Dunn.

BRACKENREID (mildly surprised)  
Are you certain, Higgins?

HIGGINS  
Yes, sir. (pointing at the folder) But I thought, Detective Murdoch, that you might want to verify my work.

MURDOCH  
I would, yes.

(While MURDOCH looks at the folder, and HIGGINS points out the items in question, BRACKENREID goes to the blackboard, picks up the chalk and puts a question mark after "Single person" so that it reads "Single person?" Moments later, CRABTREE knocks on MURDOCH'S OFFICE door, and MURDOCH bids CRABTREE enter.)

MURDOCH  
(to HIGGINS) Henry, your analysis appears to be correct, but I'll review it more thoroughly later.

(HIGGINS nods, takes the folder and exits. MURDOCH turns to CRABTREE.)

MURDOCH  
Have you found the ransom money, George?

CRABTREE  
No, sir, I have not. I have checked the floorboards, opened the crates, inspected as many nooks and crannies as I could see. I found plenty of spider webs and a few dead mice, but no ransom money. (meekly) It is possible that the money is exceptionally well hidden in the building, or is hidden elsewhere. All I can say is that I gave the premises a fairly thorough search, and found nothing.

(BRACKENREID wipes the question mark from the blackboard behind "Ransom collected?", so that the entry reads "Ransom collected.")

BRACKENREID  
This may suggest that someone else— a kidnapper— collected the ransom. It wasn't just a one-man hoax.

(OGDEN approaches MURDOCH'S OFFICE and MURDOCH bids her enter.)

MURDOCH  
Julia?

OGDEN  
I hope I'm not interrupting. I just wanted to let you know that I am expecting to begin the autopsy of Mr. Dunn in about an hour, but Mr. Dunn's blood tests have been completed and verified. Mr. Lincoln Dunn did NOT die of natural causes; rather, he died of poisoning. Probably with a commercial poison used to kill vermin, possibly laced in his food; I will be testing the contents of his stomach in due course to verify this. I fully expect to classify his death as a homicide.

(BRACKENREID picks up the chalk, and under the heading "KIDNAPPING," writes, "Victim poisoned." BRACKENREID waves at the blackboard.)

BRACKENREID  
It's starting to look to me less like a hoax and more like a dastardly crime.

(MURDOCH seems to be in agreement with this assessment. FADE OUT.)


	4. ACT 4

ACT IV

(FADE IN. EXTERIOR OF STATION HOUSE NO. 4. It is early evening. CUT TO: INTERIOR OF INTERROGATION ROOM. MILLIGAN, CHANDLER, and FOX are seated next to the table. They are all chuckling. CRABTREE sits at the table with his notebook open, but with few notes made. CRABTREE is highly amused.)

CRABTREE  
You mean they actually thought (laughs) the United States was planning to capture Niagara Falls with its army?

CHANDLER (chuckling)  
Yeah, the commander in Toronto even sent troops to the falls to repel the invasion.

FOX (chuckling)  
And I had to hastily explain that it was all a joke, before someone got hurt.

(MURDOCH opens the door of the INTERROGATION ROOM and enters. MURDOCH wonders what the merriment is about.)

MILLIGAN  
Linc and Foxy were afraid they were going to get charged. But no charges ever got laid, because the commander didn't want it made public that he fell for that preposterous story.

FOX (chuckling)  
A story that no one having an ounce of brains could possibly believe.

(MURDOCH sits. He looks at CRABTREE as if to ask, "What's going on?")

CRABTREE (laughing)  
Sir, these men were just telling me (laughs) about some of Mr. Dunn's more elaborate pranks. Like the time he convinced people (giggling) that the United States, still sore about not taking Canada in the War of 1812, was planning to seize Niagara Falls by military force. What Mr. Dunn did was—

(CRABTREE's giggling is making it hard for him to explain further. MURDOCH, smiling but unamused, puts his hand on CRABTREE's shoulder.)

MURDOCH  
George, maybe you had better so somewhere else for a while, and settle down.

(CRABTREE, still giggling, nods and stands and staggers out the door. MURDOCH sighs, and he sees MILLIGAN, CHANDLER, and FOX all giggling a bit themselves.)

MURDOCH  
Gentlemen. Thank you for coming. I have some further questions for you. SERIOUS questions.

(MILLIGAN, CHANDLER, and FOX suppress their smiles, at least a little.)

MURDOCH  
First, gentlemen, I have some sad news to report. Your friend, Mr. Dunn, is dead. His body was discovered earlier today.

(The smiles all disappear. There are a few trace giggles, but they stop quickly. FOX seems especially shaken.)

MURDOCH  
Further, it appears that Mr. Dunn did not die from natural causes. He was poisoned. My investigation is therefore now directed to a kidnapping and a murder.

(MILLIGAN, CHANDLER, and FOX are now quite somber. FOX is stunned, open-mouthed.)

MILLIGAN  
We'll help you in any way we can. What do you need to know?

MURDOCH  
Did Mr. Dunn have any enemies, anyone who wanted to do him harm?

CHANDLER  
Not that I know of.

(MILLIGAN and FOX shrug in agreement.)

MURDOCH  
Did Mr. Dunn owe anyone any money?

FOX (blankly)  
Not that I know of.

MILLIGAN  
Well, he owed you about two hundred, didn't he, Foxy?

FOX (recovering)  
Yeah, he did; but I thought the Detective was talking about Linc owing thousands of dollars to someone other than us. Am I right?

MURDOCH  
Mr. Dunn owed you money, Mr. Fox? How much?

FOX  
A couple hundred, like he said. Linc broke some of my tools, and said he'd pay to replace them. He hadn't paid me yet, but I was sure he was good for it. There wasn't anything sinister about it.

MURDOCH  
Do any of you know whether Mr. Dunn owed anyone thousands of dollars?

(Silence and shrugs.)

MURDOCH  
Have any of you ever been to a place known as Olsen's Market?

CHANDLER  
Nope.

MILLIGAN  
Never heard of it.

(FOX sits silent. CUT TO: INTERIOR STATION HOUSE NO. 4, CONSTABLES' AREA. CRABTREE and HIGGINS are talking. CRABTREE giggles as he tells the tale.)

CRABTREE  
So this African explorer was supposed to give a lecture at the library, telling everyone about his recent adventures on the Dark Continent, but he didn't show up. So Mr. Fox said to Mr. Dunn, "Why don't you give his lecture FOR him?" And Mr. Dunn went up to the front of the room and, off the top of his head, recounted his adventures in Africa as though he were the explorer!

HIGGINS  
Oh, no!

CRABTREE  
Oh, yes! And he proceeded to tell several stories, each successive tale being more ridiculous than the last, just to see whether anyone caught on. And guess what: everyone thought he was serious! At one point, he described a tribe of African pygmies who had one face on the front of their heads, and one face on the rear of their heads. He also explained that the concept of marriage was unknown in this tribe. And then he said that the members of the tribe could not be trusted, because they were a bunch of two-faced bastards!

(CRABTREE pauses to guffaw. HIGGINS smiles but apparently doesn't think the joke is all that amusing.)

HIGGINS  
Oh, yes. Ha, ha. And everyone thought he was serious, eh?

CRABTREE (nodding, giggling)  
Nobody got the joke! And the best part is, there had been a newspaper reporter at the lecture. The next day, in the local newspaper, there was a story about the explorer's lecture, including many of these preposterous stories that Mr. Dunn made up!

HIGGINS (smiling, but not amused)  
Oh. Ha, ha, ha. I bet that reporter lost his job as a result. Good joke.

CRABTREE (a little less giggling)  
The point is, it was harmless fun, Henry. And clever, VERY clever! Few people are that clever. I don't know whether I could stand up in front of a group of people and make up funny stories off the top of MY head! There was another time that Mr. Dunn and Mr. Fox tried to fool the mayor of Toronto—

(MURDOCH approaches.)

CRABTREE  
— That the mayor of Montreal had publicly called him a "buffoon." The joke worked, for a while, anyway; and the mayor of Toronto—

(CRABTREE becomes aware of MURDOCH's presence.)

MURDOCH  
And what, George?

CRABTREE (smiling but no longer giggling)  
And the mayor of Toronto nearly publicly insulted the mayor of Montreal.

(CRABTREE wipes the smile off his face.)

MURDOCH  
Interesting. If the mayor of Toronto had been fooled into insulting the mayor of Montreal, that might cause some undesirable repercussions. George, would you consider such a prank to be "harmless?"

CRABTREE (thinking about it)  
No, sir.

MURDOCH  
Neither would I. George, I overheard you speaking with Henry—

CRABTREE  
Yes, sir, my conversation wasn't very professional, I'm sorry.

HIGGINS (pointing at CRABTREE)  
And I didn't laugh at anything he said, sir.

MURDOCH  
What I meant was, I overheard you describing some of the pranks that Mr. Dunn committed. Apparently he committed them with Mr. Fox?

CRABTREE  
Yes, sir.

MURDOCH  
That is what Mr. Dunn's friends just told me, as well. Mr. Dunn's assistant on a lot of these hoaxes was Mr. Fox. Mr. Chandler and Mr. Milligan did not participate in the pranks.

CRABTREE  
Huh.

MURDOCH  
George, Henry, I wonder whether you would come with me, please.

(CUT TO: INTERROGATION ROOM. MURDOCH, HIGGINS, and CRABTREE stand, touching nothing.)

MURDOCH  
George, Henry, I just finished talking to Mr. Dunn's friends. Mr. Milligan sat there (indicating), Mr. Chandler sat there (indicating), and Mr. Fox sat there (indicating). All of these men touched the arms of the chairs. I want you to take finger marks from these chairs and see whether they match any of the finger marks found in the warehouse.

CRABTREE  
You suspect one of the friends as killing Mr. Dunn?

MURDOCH (carefully)  
Not necessarily.

CRABTREE (delicately)  
You are aware, sir, that there is some controversy as to whether the police ought to be allowed to take the finger marks of people who are not criminal suspects. Some of the aldermen have spoken strongly against the practice.

MURDOCH (trying to justify it)  
We are not taking anyone's finger marks. We are not applying ink to any person's fingers and rolling the fingers on a card, for retention as a police record. It's a different situation.

CRABTREE (unsure about the validity of the argument)  
I'll see whether I can recover finger marks, from the chairs, sir.

MURDOCH  
Thank you.

(CUT TO: THE MORGUE. OGDEN is finishing the autopsy on Mr. Dunn's body. She is obviously very tired. MURDOCH stands nearby.)

MURDOCH  
Did the autopsy yield any new information?

OGDEN  
Some. There were some contents in Mr. Dunn's stomach, suggesting that he had consumed a meal of fish and chips shortly before his death. I'm having those contents tested for the presence of poison.

MURDOCH  
The meal was an evening meal, rather than a mid-day meal?

OGDEN  
Almost certainly.

MURDOCH  
Suggesting the time of death was close to dinnertime, Thursday evening?

OGDEN  
Yes. That is what I would say. Mr. Dunn ate his meal, he may have felt a little ill, so he got into his bed, he went to sleep, and he never woke up.

(CRABTREE and HIGGINS enter, CRABTREE carrying a file folder. The constables nod to OGDEN, then address MURDOCH.)

CRABTREE (handing the folder to MURDOCH)  
Those unidentified finger marks in the warehouse, sir, belong to Mr. Fox. We found no matches to Mr. Chandler or Mr. Milligan.

HIGGINS  
The match to Mr. Fox is exact, sir.

(CRABTREE nods in agreement with HIGGINS. MURDOCH opens the folder and looks at the finger marks in the folder. MURDOCH takes a quick look.)

MURDOCH  
It does indeed appear to be an exact match. George, Henry, come with me. We are going to arrest Mr. Fox.

(CUT TO: INT. OF INTERROGATION ROOM. Fox is in the chair. MURDOCH sits opposite, with CRABTREE nearby. In front of MURDOCH is a small package wrapped in newspaper.)

FOX  
I didn't kill Linc.

MURDOCH  
He owed you money.

FOX  
Do you really think that I'd kill my best friend over two hundred dollars?

MURDOCH  
Did you? Your finger marks are at the place where his body was found.

FOX  
I can explain that.

MURDOCH  
A witness saw you scouting behind Olsen's Market, where the ransom money was to be dropped.

FOX  
Okay, it might've been me he saw; probably was.

MURDOCH (indicating the package)  
The ransom money was found in your possession.

FOX  
Yeah, because I told you officers where it was! You can count the money, it's all there! I didn't take any of it!

MURDOCH  
You can see, Mr. Fox, how this adds up to you being complicit in the kidnapping—

FOX  
FAKE kidnapping, you mean! The kidnapping was supposed to be a joke. Linc would have returned his kids' money.

MURDOCH  
So you were complicit in a joke, of sorts.

FOX  
Yes!

MURDOCH  
A joke that ended in murder.

FOX  
No! I didn't kill Linc! I was just helping him— twist the tail of his son, that bossy little miserly twerp.

MURDOCH  
Was anyone else "helping" Lincoln Dunn perpetrate this hoax?

FOX  
No. It was just me and Linc.

MURDOCH  
So other than Mr. Dunn, you were the only person who had information about it. I spoke to you twice. You had two opportunities to come clean. But you hid the truth from me.

FOX  
The first time we talked, I didn't know that Linc was dead!

MURDOCH (pushing)  
But the second time we spoke, you DID know that!

FOX (pushing back)  
Yeah, but only because YOU told me so; and YOU also said you were now treating this as an investigation into a kidnapping and a MURDER! Well, NOBODY kidnapped Linc, and I CERTAINLY didn't murder him!

MURDOCH (still pushing)  
You had information about the case that you deliberately chose not to disclose! You could have told me what you knew about the supposed kidnapping! You could have told me that you held the supposed ransom money! But you kept your mouth shut!

FOX  
I wanted time to think! Is that so evil? (a little less emotional) If I said I was involved, then I might find myself charged with killing my friend, and I might hang for something I didn't do! I wanted to think! (pause) Look. I NEVER flat-out lied to you, not once. If you want to charge me with not volunteering information to help you, fine; charge me. (pleading) But please DON'T charge me with killing my friend! I didn't.

(FOX is adamant, but so is MURDOCH. FADE OUT.)


	5. ACT 5

ACT V

(FADE IN. EXT. STATION HOUSE NO. 4. CUT TO: INT. MURDOCH'S OFFICE. MURDOCH and CRABTREE are standing. BRACKENREID is pacing.)

BRACKENREID  
So let me get this straight. Lincoln Dunn doesn't feel appreciated by his son and daughter-in-law, so he decides to fake his own kidnapping. He sets up meager living quarters at a nearby empty warehouse. So on Sunday, Dunn has his usual get-together with his friends. And instead of going home, he goes to the warehouse and writes a ransom letter to his son. Fox is aware of this fakery, and he delivers the ransom note. Fox also finds a place behind a neighbourhood market to make the ransom payment, and he also helps Dunn with his plan in other ways.

MURDOCH  
According to Mr. Fox, his finger marks were in the warehouse because he paid some visits to Mr. Dunn, to help him pass the time.

BRACKENREID  
The elder Dunn writes three ransom notes, and Fox delivers them to the younger Dunns. Fox sees Dunn's son pay the ransom, and Fox collects it. And then, as far as Fox is concerned, the joke is over. He expects that Dunn will reveal the whole thing was a hoax, and then Dunn will contact Fox and ask Fox to return the ransom money.

MURDOCH  
That is essentially what he told us, yes. According to Mr. Fox, he was last in the warehouse on Thursday morning, and Mr. Dunn was planning to reveal the hoax on Friday.

BRACKENREID  
And when the coppers come around, investigating the disappearance of his friend, Fox pretends not to know anything. Fox knows he's the only person who could explain the disappearance, but he says NOTHING.

MURDOCH  
He says he assumed that Mr. Dunn was simply stretching out the hoax. He says he did not know Mr. Dunn was dead.

BRACKENREID  
And when he found out Dunn WAS dead, he chose to cover up his involvement, to hide what he knew. THAT looks bad.

MURDOCH  
Yes, it does. Especially since he admits he was the only person beside Lincoln Dunn who knew of the hoax.

BRACKENREID  
You've formally charged Fox, with murder and with obstructing our investigation?

MURDOCH  
I have only charged him with murder. The obstruction is a little more tenuous, since Mr. Fox's offense was not volunteering information when he found out how serious the case was. Mr. Fox said he never lied to us, and the only thing I could remember him saying that was arguably untrue was that the alley behind the Pub would be a good place for a kidnapper to lie in wait—

(MURDOCH stops. MURDOCH flashes back to the alleyway. He looks down the alley and sees the dead end. He looks to the right and sees the Pub. He looks to the left and sees the warehouse where Dunn's body was found.)

MURDOCH (uncomfortably)  
George, we need to talk to Mr. Fox again.

(CUT TO: INT. OF INTERROGATION ROOM. Fox is in the chair. MURDOCH sits opposite, with CRABTREE nearby and BRACKENREID listening from just outside the room.)

MURDOCH  
Mister Fox, I am wondering whether you could clear up some details about the hoax kidnapping.

(FOX says nothing.)

MURDOCH  
Do you know why Mr. Dunn chose the warehouse next to Tony's Pub as his place to hide?

(FOX says nothing.)

MURDOCH  
That warehouse could have been locked, or occupied, or the owner might have visited at any time and evicted him, and spoiled the prank. Apparently Mr. Dunn knew that he could use that building and that he would not be disturbed. How did he know that, Mr. Fox?

(FOX says nothing.)

MURDOCH  
I am going to drop the murder charges against you.

(FOX is stunned.)

MURDOCH  
You are, as of this moment, free to go.

(MURDOCH gestures to the door, where BRACKENREID stands open-mouthed. FOX is still stunned, but his posture is more relaxed.)

MURDOCH  
But before you go, I want you to tell me how Mr. Dunn knew he could use that vacant warehouse as a place to stay?

FOX (after a moment)  
Cob— that is, Chandler— owns it. He's been trying to sell the warehouse for quite a while, now. He complained to us a lot of times about not being able to find a buyer. That's how Linc knew he could stay there and not be bothered.

(MURDOCH flashes back. He stands near the alley. He looks at the warehouse, then the alley, then the Pub. MURDOCH then recalls his earlier meeting with TONY.)

TONY (in flashback)  
That "Mr. Chandler" is my uncle. He helped me get started here.

(MURDOCH's flashback ends.)

MURDOCH  
Your friend, Mr. Chandler, owns the warehouse; does he also own the building that houses Tony's Pub?

FOX  
Yes. His nephew runs the Pub, but Chandler owns the building.

MURDOCH (to CRABTREE)  
George, would you come with me, please? Mr. Fox, you are free to go.

(CUT TO: MURDOCH'S OFFICE. MURDOCH and CRABTREE stand as they talk. BRACKENREID stands near the doorway and watches intently.)

MURDOCH  
George, Mr. Fox says that only he and Mr. Dunn knew about this kidnapping hoax. I think that someone else may have known about it as well. First, the alley between the warehouse and Tony's Pub, what do you remember about it?

CRABTREE  
It was rather narrow. And it was a dead-end.

MURDOCH  
And since the alley was a dead-end, what does that tell us?

(CRABTREE is initially at a loss, but then he gets it.)

CRABTREE  
It tells us that the two buildings, both owned by Mr. Chandler, are CONNECTED to one another. Sir, there was a door in the warehouse that I could not open! I think it may have been a door that led to the Pub.

MURDOCH  
When Mr. Dunn's body was found in the warehouse, you found some food waste: apple cores and empty bottles, yes?

CRABTREE  
Yes, sir.

MURDOCH  
But there were no WHOLE apples, and no UNOPENED bottles, were there?

CRABTREE  
No, sir. That may mean Mr. Dunn had exhausted the food that he had brought with him, just before he died.

(MURDOCH flashes back to Tony's Pub. He notices the apples on the bar, the empty bottles on the table. The empty bottles on the table seem to be the same kind as were found proximate to Mr. Dunn. MURDOCH's flashback ends.)

MURDOCH  
Or it may mean that, while he was in hiding, Mr. Dunn was having his food delivered to him. According to Doctor Ogden, Mr. Dunn's last meal was fish and chips.

CRABTREE  
Sir: Pub food!

(BRACKEREID, smirking, turns to the constables' area, where HIGGINS and JACKSON are working.)

BRACKEREID  
You two!

(HIGGINS and JACKSON look up and pay attention to BRACKENREID.)

BRACKENREID  
Detective Murdoch is going to need you in about ten seconds!

MURDOCH (to CRABTREE)  
George, get your constable's helmet.

(CUT TO: INTERIOR OF "THE PUB." It is early evening. The place has a few customers, but not many. At least one customer is having his dinner. TONY tends bar, but has only one customer there. MURDOCH and CRABTREE enter and sit at an empty table. CRABTREE does not remove his helmet. Some of the customers see CRABTREE's uniform and wonder what is going on. TONY sees his customers' reactions and quickly comes over to the table.)

TONY  
Detective, constable? Is there something I can do for you?

MURDOCH  
May we speak with you?

TONY  
Of course, but could we talk in the kitchen? My customers—

MURDOCH  
Certainly.

(TONY, MURDOCH and CRABTREE go into the kitchen. A COOK is preparing food for the customers. A WAITRESS picks up a plate of fish and chips from the cook and takes out of the kitchen, presumably to a customer at a table. In addition to various kitchen equipment, MURDOCH sees a sink, and below the sink are several bottles, one of which is marked as poison. MURDOCH notices a hallway extending off the kitchen.)

MURDOCH  
May I ask what is down that hallway?

TONY (uncomfortable)  
Washrooms. Why are you here?

MURDOCH (moving between TONY and the hallway)  
Do you mind if I use your washroom? That door at the end of the hallway, is that the washroom?

TONY (nervous)  
No, that's— storage.

MURDOCH  
Storage? You mean, storage in the warehouse next door?

TONY (even more nervous)  
Uh—

MURDOCH (pointing to the poison under the sink)  
Do you have a problem with vermin, Mr. Frank?

(Abruptly, TONY pushes MURDOCH and CRABTREE. MURDOCH blocks the hallway, so TONY makes a break toward the Pub's front door. When TONY barges through the front door, HIGGINS and JACKSON intercept him and hold him. MURDOCH appears momentarily.)

MURDOCH  
You are under arrest for the murder of Lincoln Dunn.

(TONY is distressed. CUT TO: BRACKENREID'S OFFICE. MURDOCH and CRABTREE stand as BRACKENREID sits.)

BRACKENREID  
So this Tony Frank knew about this fake kidnapping, and he planned to make the hoax go wrong.

MURDOCH  
Yes, but Mr. Fox did not know that Mr. Dunn was getting his food from Tony's Pub. As far as Mr. Fox knew, the only people who knew of the prank were Mr. Dunn and himself. But Mr. Tony Frank also knew, and Mr. Frank held grudges against both Mr. Dunn and Mr. Fox, based upon some of the pranks they pulled at his expense. He had reason to think that if Mr. Dunn was found dead, Mr. Fox would likely get blamed for it.

BRACKENREID  
Which is what almost happened. And since Fox had aided and abetted several hoaxes in the past, Fox would have severe problems with his own credibility. He'd claim innocence and no one would believe him.

MURDOCH  
Yes.

BRACKENREID  
Right, then. That wraps this case up.

(BRACKENREID rises from his seat, and unobtrusively takes something from his desk. BRACKENREID slowly urges MURDOCH and CRABTREE out of the office.)

BRACKENREID  
I've had about enough hearing about hoaxes and pranks. It's all childish nonsense, anyway. Pranks are things I used to do as a school boy; they're not something for a grown man to be doing.

(CRABTREE exits the office, and as MURDOCH turns to leave, BRACKENREID gives MURDOCH a friendly pat on the back, and as he does so, BRACKENREID affixes a small note to the back of MURDOCH'S suit. The note reads "KICK ME." BRACKENREID smiles mischievously. FADE OUT.)

THE END


End file.
